Dublin nightlife is vibrant and memorable, but experiences
certainly vary. Here are 10 hilariously depressing Google reviews of Dublin nightclubs.
Dublin – the capital of the Republic of Ireland – is known
worldwide for its pubs and social scene. What is potentially less documented,
however, is the nightclub scene that draws people to Dublin on a weekly basis.
Whether you’re looking for an upmarket affair where
cocktails and classy attire are expected or a loose, let-your-hair-down kind of
place, Dublin sure has it all.
And while it is generally accepted that Dublin has a decent social scene, these 10 customers have decided to take to the Internet with their hilariously depressing Google reviews of Dublin nightclubs.
10. D Two – “cocktails with zero alcohol”
D Two is a lively late-night bar that opens seven days a
week from 5 pm until late. It is known for after-work crowds and those who want
to bust a move on the dance floor (on the weekend). D Two is also popular for
its walled, all-weather beer garden, which is ideal in a place when changeable
forecasts riddle our day-to-day.
This customer had a slightly less enjoyable experience than we’d
expect, however: “If you want cocktails with zero alcohol, head to this place!
Absolute terrible drinks and service.”
9. Fitzsimons Hotel and Bar – “obnoxious people”
This hotel, bar, and nightclub is located in Temple Bar,
ensuring a steady footfall as it is in the heart of the tourist centre. Its
close proximity to the River Liffey and central location make it a handy
destination too, and drink deals and old school tunes seem to keep the crowds
This one-star reviewer, however, is not likely to return: “Rooftop
bar has no sun after 4:30pm, no view and a pint is €7.50. Instead, you have
loud, drunk, obnoxious people. Avoid.”
8. Dicey’s – “has a
very strange crowd”
This bar has been around for a long time, and every Dublin
local is sure to have had at least one (probably bad) experience in it. This
customer certainly did, anyway!
“Might be the worst place in Dublin. The service is terrible
on so many levels: bartenders, cloakroom, service, security (some). Also, it
smells terrible and has a very strange crowd.”
7. Everleigh – “totally
Everleigh is located on Harcourt Street alongside a string
of other mediocre and trashy clubs. Simply put, we’re not all that surprised
that this one-star reviewer felt the need to take to the Internet in revolt.
In fact, they sum it up perfectly: “Too many drunk
youngsters… men get into fights… that is totally last season”.
6. Club M – “hasn’t
moved on from the 80s”
This Dublin nightclub is located in Temple Bar in the heart of the Cultural Quarter and the tourist trail. It attracts a steady stream of locals and tourists on Friday and Saturdays (closed all other days of the week) but some could argue it has had its day.
This reviewer would be one of them: “Hasn’t moved on from
the 80’s, dump”.
5. Twenty Two Nightclub – “wouldn’t recommend this place to my worst enemy”
Most people would say that their worst enemy in life
deserves, well, the worst. This person who went to Twenty Two Nightclub, just
off Grafton Street, seems to have had such an atrocious experience, they
wouldn’t even wish it on their enemy.
“Disgraceful staff, disgraceful and rude security. Wouldn’t
recommend this place to my worst enemy.”
4. Turk’s Head – “overpriced
The Turk’s Head is a late-night bar and club located in Temple Bar. It’s a popular choice for those who want to sip on cocktails and get on their dancing shoes, in equal measure. This previous client, however, could sum up the joint in just two words: “Overpriced kip”.
3. Odeon – “would
rather chew off my own arm”
While the majority of us would happily choose to sit in the
world’s worst bar if it came down to the ultimatum between that or losing one’s
arm, this one-star reviewer begs to differ.
“Pretentious dusty dinosaur bar with the rudest staff in
Dublin. The owners seem to think it’s 2005 all over again where this kind of
thing is acceptable. Would rather chew off my own arm than be dragged back to
2. Xico – “four thumbs
This wild bar-cum-taco joint and nightclub has become
synonymous with Dublin’s revellers who enjoy the late-night madness six days a
week (closed Sundays). This customer has alternative opinions, however.
“I wish I had two more hands, to give this place four thumbs
down. Slow, unenthusiastic staff. Aye mate, I don’t wanna be here either but at
least you’re getting paid to be here.”
1. Copper Face Jack’s – “if purgatory was a nightclub”
Unsurprisingly, this infamous nightclub on Harcourt Street gets number one on our list of top hilariously depressing reviews of Dublin nightclubs.
“If purgatory was a nightclub in Dublin full of teenagers vomiting
on each other this place would be it. Don’t believe the hype, run and don’t
Dive in and explore the city like a local.
Read our tips on where to go, what to do and what not to miss…
In compact Dublin, you can easily cover a lot of ground on your own
From nocturnal pub crawling (for educational purposes) to high-adrenaline outdoor activities to fun family-friendly pursuits, choices abound.
You might start with the capital’s supremo tourist attraction, the Guinness Storehouse. Most people do.
Prefer being under the watchful eye of a knowledgeable guide?
There are tons of tours – walking, traveling by bicycle or bus, amphibious vehicle or horse-drawn cart…or even by boat or kayak.
However you choose to get about, you can also experience the true spirit of traditional Irish culture and history through architecture, dance, storytelling, music, theatre, museums and galleries.
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